Coat
With a Voiceover
I wear my tragedy with pride
A coat of aching fur topping my skin
Buttoned-up devotion closes off my soul
With a necklace that buries its pearls on the edge of my ribs
The short brown hair you smelled once
Is now teasing my waist
It's been a while
But I still smell you in summer rain's mud and half-finished cigarettes.
And I am no longer longing for your shoulder.
I can sleep with a blanket that covers my face so I can't notice the light coming in,
Or a pillow that suffocates me somewhere
Between my mind and my temple.
My pulse still escalates at three a.m.
I met you in June.
Demons rest on both my shoulders
With blank notebooks.
I am out of words to keep speaking about something that never ends,
A piece that keeps going long after the score is abused.
No longer being able to vent out,
I dug my fingers deep inside my throat.
My nails are red now,
And I play.
I play.
I play.
My chest is bleeding now.
How do you move on from the thing that shaped you?
All I hear is a shaking voice edging my sanity,
Telling me it's time to take my coat off.
A man's hands are wandering around my shelves,
Reaching out to take the weight off my shoulders.
I grab his arm mid-verse.
Don't dive into deep waters, or you might drown.
Don't touch my coat.
I don't know who I am--
Without it.
He's trying to make sense out of my poems.
How can I tell him that I keep lemon by my nightstand to make sure my wounds are forever alive?
How can I explain the mess?
How can I explain the loss?
How can I explain June
To someone who wants to buy me chocolates in February?
It will take him a few summer nights
Before he realizes I am what remains when the throat dries out of missed calls
And transparent promises
Written with razors
All over my thighs.
I am not a melody made in heaven to fit into your fairytale,
Just a piano that coughs broken notes
On the verge of a yellow paper.
I am nothing but the trauma that leaves a song hanging
On a corpse's vocal cords.
I look him in the eyes.
All I see is the nights' blues.
His eyes are brown.
He's telling me to take my coat off.
I can't.
It's stitched to my skin.
Thank you
Mariam~
devastating but in a beautiful way